Fame?

The feeling wouldn't leave me. I stood in line to shake Bill Hybel's hand on Sunday. He'd just given a stirring, amazing message at my church, and I was a bit awestruck. When it got to be my time, I shoved my hand forward, only to realize another person was placing his hand outward too. I felt so small, so insignificant. I mumbled my name, then stammered, "I just wanted to meet you."

Walking away, I called myself a dork. I felt so small, so insignificant. The brief interaction wouldn't leave me. Why did I want to hide away? Why was I so embarrassed? Why did shaking this man's hand lead me to feel so incredibly small?

I realized it was because of my childhood. I recently shared my upbringing with a friend. Sharing it felt pretty raw, particularly after I'd been writing about it for my memoir. I was struck again by how small I felt as a child, how unwanted I believed I was. And maybe that's why fame entices me so.

I read a fascinating article about fame. Dr. Mark Schuller, who penned the paper, "The Psychological Consequences of Fame," believes needy folks chase fame.

Shoot! Does that mean I'm a mess? A needy, fame-gobbling mess?

Probably.

He states that those who have low self esteem, or those who have a hole that friends or family never filled, are more apt to pursue fame.

And fame has its pitfalls. "When you're famous, you continually see yourself through other people's eyes. This can have a very destabilizing effect, especially on someone with low self-esteem or is in some way psychologically incomplete."

How often have I lived my life through my perception of what others think of me? Ouch! And this guy says that's not healthy. That I'm psychologically incomplete if I live my life that way.

Interestingly, I read about Joshua this week. And God really helped me: "So the Lord was with Joshua, and his fame was in the land" (Joshua 6:27).

This showed me that fame doesn't have to be bad all the time. That God can be in it. And that the reason for fame is because of God's amazing dealings in our lives. So maybe the key is not seeing my life through others' eyes, but seeing it through God's eyes, from His vantage point.

"And what will You do for Your great Name?" Joshua 7:9.

This helped me boil it all down. I may seek fame to fill a hole my childhood left behind. And yet God has healed me. That He has healed me, in a sense, brings fame because I tell my story to the world--my story about His redemption. But the best part is always God's fame, not mine. The fame of His name. As the popular worship song goes, He is the famous One. And that famous One loves me.

Mary E. DeMuth loves to write truth from the inside out. Her books include Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God (Harvest House, 2005), Building the Christian Family You Never Had (WaterBrook, 2006), Watching the Tree Limbs, Wishing on Dandelions (NavPress, 2006), and Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture (Harvest House 2007). A mother of three, Mary lives with her husband Patrick and their three children in Texas. They recently returned from Southern France where they planted a church. She blogs nearly-daily at www.relevantblog.blogspot.com.

Comments

[Susie Larson]

What a brave and wonderful post this was, Mary. Just like you...brave and wonderful.

Press on, in His Name.