How Can I Run a Tight Ship When I'm Surrounded by Loose Cannons?

HOW CAN I RUN A TIGHT SHIP WHEN I’M SURROUNDED BY LOOSE CANNONS?

Proverbs 31 Lessons for Yielding to the Master of the Seas

By Kathi Macias

 

Publisher: New Hope Publishers

Release Date: February 1, 2009

ISBN: 978-1-59669-204-6

 

Copyright © 2009 by Kathi Macias

 

 

The perfect woman—excellent wife, cherished mother, impeccable housekeeper, thriving entrepreneur—all rolled into one. The Proverbs 31 woman looms  large for Christian women today. But despite their best efforts at running a tight ship, it seems there are always  loose cannons rolling around the deck. With humor and relevance, Kathi Macias shares her journey and struggle with  Proverbs 31, ultimately discovering the natural progression of growing in grace--and learning to trust the Captain to steer her safely home, loose cannons and all!

 

 

 

FOREWORD

“Red Lips and Fat Hair”

 

I met Kathi Macias in a writers’ group about twenty years ago, and we’ve been friends ever since. In fact, it wasn’t long after we met that we both started publishing books and realized we needed to have professional photographs done. When Kathi ran across an ad in the paper—one of those two-for-one coupon types—for a studio that would do our hair and make-up and even provide glamorous clothing, it sounded too good to be true, but we decided to go for it.

 

I suppose that’s where we really bonded, as we sat next to each other, watching our transformation in the mirror. The make-up part was fun, since I usually go pretty much “as is,” so this was a relatively new experience for me. But as they began applying the third or fourth layer, I asked myself, Does this look professional? I didn’t say anything, though, because I certainly didn’t want to complain.

 

I know now that I probably should have said something when the make-up artist started penciling in new lips for me. After all, she only had so much room to work with because my nose was in the way, but it seemed like she was taking every centimeter of facial real estate she could find and claiming it in the name of my lips. By the time she was done, you could have spotted my lips from the other end of the state. And I don’t think I had ever seen that bright a shade of red before.

 

But I didn’t want to complain.

 

Next came my hair. Now I have fine, thin hair, so when the stylist asked if I wanted her to add more volume, I readily agreed. The next thing I knew she had teased and ratted my fine, thin hair until it stood so high eagles would have gotten nosebleeds trying to nest there. My hair was bigger than Texas, and she was still going. The bigger my hair got, the more I thought about speaking up—after all, this picture was for future book covers—but as I said, I didn’t want to complain.

 

Then it was time to choose an outfit. No one had warned me that if I wanted to wear something that wouldn’t get me arrested, I would have to bring it from home. Now I was stuck, so I picked a shiny top, threw on a couple of feathery boas, and I was ready. (The picture has yet to make the cover of a book, but my husband liked it, and I guess that’s what really matters in the long run, so I’m glad I didn’t complain.)

 

At last, there I was, in all my big-hair and glitzy clothes and make-up, wondering just what kind of books they thought I wrote. And then I saw Kathi—at least, I was pretty sure that’s who it was—and I remembered she had been going through the same ordeal. I can’t really explain it, but for some strange reason, seeing her with her own fat hair and sequined outfit made me feel a little better.

 

By the time we finally got out of that place (back in our own clothes but still painted and wearing our fat hair) we were starved but afraid to go into a restaurant for fear of being arrested, so we opted for a drive-through. When the lady at the window handed us our burgers, her eyes were nearly as big as our bright red lips!

 

I can’t tell you how many laughs we had that day, but it has turned out to be one of my funniest and fondest memories.

 

Since then Kathi has gone on to write so many books I’ve lost count, and chances are she’s had some new photographs done as well—minus the boas, of course. So when I was asked to write a foreword for her book about loose cannons, I somehow felt that in light of our past experience it would be appropriate to do so.

 

Now I’m sure most of us have at least one “loose cannon” in our lives—and there may even be those who consider us loose cannons, though that’s hard to imagine. But if you find yourself becoming frustrated as you try harder and harder to run a tight ship and all you end up doing is dodging loose cannons on your ever-rolling deck, this is the book that will help you get your “sea legs.” With humor and plenty of good advice, Kathi will help you learn to listen to your Captain—and make your way into peaceful waters.

 

And if you ever want a glamour picture taken, I’m sure Kathi can help you arrange that, too. (But feel free to complain—please!)

 

Martha Bolton, Emmy-nominated writer and co-author of Didn’t My Skin Used to Fit and Cooking With Hot Flashes

 

 

Introduction

“Will the Real Superwoman Please Stand Up?”

 

I’ve always been a control freak who wanted everything to run smoothly—perfectly, actually. No bumps or surprises, just—well, a “tight ship,” as they say. And somewhere along the line I got the idea that I could make that happen—if I just tried hard enough. I think it may have started when I first saw Superman on our family’s black and white TV and wondered, Is there a Superwoman somewhere? When I put that question to the adults in my life, they smiled and patted me on the head and said, “I don’t think so, dear.” So I decided to sign up for the job—a reasonable if somewhat naïve aspiration for a six-year-old, not so reasonable and way beyond naïve at twenty-six. Two decades after the birth of my Superwoman dream, I was still running as fast as I could and getting nowhere. My twenty-year-old dream was going down for the count, and I was nearly at the point of throwing in the towel—and then I met Jesus.

 

What a difference! Now I could latch on to verses like “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” and “All things should be done decently and in order”—biblical affirmations of my desire to do things right, to do things efficiently and effectively, to do things with power and authority. Finally I was invincible—in Jesus, of course. Now all I needed was a godly role model and I’d be on my way.

 

I began my search in earnest, reading through the Scriptures until I came to Proverbs 31. Eureka! There, at last, was the epitome of the Superwoman I’d been hoping to become since I was six years old. The perfect woman—perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect housekeeper, perfect entrepreneur—all rolled into one! Not only did her husband and children praise her, but God must have approved of her as well or He certainly wouldn’t have included her as an example in the Bible. My dream was alive and well once again! At last I would be able to “get it all together,” to win instead of fail, to run a tight ship, and to keep things under control. Life was good, and the future looked bright.

 

There was only one problem. I hadn’t figured on all the loose cannons rolling around the deck of my not-so-tight ship….

 

SECTION ONE

Learning to crawl…

on my knees

 

I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready (1 Corinthians 3:1-2).

 

“Rugrats…and Other Myths”

 

I’ll never forget the time I spent a week with my son Michael and his family. One evening my granddaughter Karissa invited me to “camp out” on the sofa bed with her and watch a “Rugrats” movie while we ate microwave popcorn. Doting grandmother that I am, I immediately accepted, though I couldn’t imagine what a “Rugrats” movie might be. I’d heard the term, but never in relation to a movie. As far as I was concerned, rugrats were very small children, not yet able to walk but slightly too old to be considered infants. These tiny people crawled around the house on their hands and knees, scooted across the floor on their behinds, or inched their way from one spot to another in an ingenious imitation of an undulating caterpillar, all the while on the hunt for bugs, buttons, spare change, or anything else they could pop into their drooling mouths. Their world consisted of coffee table legs, the dog dish when Mom wasn’t looking, grown-ups’ feet, and…well, rugs. Was I now supposed to believe that Hollywood had literally sunk so low as to film an entire movie at floor level?

 

Popcorn bowl between us, my granddaughter and I settled back against our pillows and watched the opening minutes of Karissa’s current favorite video. As the animated “Rugrats” scenes rolled by, it didn’t take long for me to admit that the cartoon kids were actually kind of cute, though a bit older than what I considered rug-rat age and definitely more “adventurous” than I wanted my own kids or grandkids to be—at any age. Overall, however, it was an enjoyable evening, and I’d been educated about the latest kiddy craze in movies.

 

More than two decades before my movie night with Karissa, when I was in my mid-twenties and smack-dab in the middle of the “raising rugrats” stage of life myself, I had the most incredible experience anyone can ever have: I became a Christian—a baby Christian, with a whole lot to learn. From that moment I assumed my life would fall into perfect order. I would never again have so much as a bad-hair day. Okay, so maybe I was the only human being on the face of the planet who didn’t realize I had picked one of the worst possible times of life to decide to emulate the Proverbs 31 woman and try to run a tight ship, but you have to give me an “A” for enthusiasm. I was quickly reminded, however, that there is another equally appropriate term for rugrats: loose cannons. And there’s nothing like a bunch of loose cannons to wreak havoc on an otherwise tight ship.

 

True, rugrats are relatively small cannons, but that doesn’t make them any less deadly. Talk to any mother who’s wearing herself out trying to keep her ship afloat while dodging those little cannons rolling around her feet and she’ll tell you that “Mutiny on the Bounty” has become her theme song. However, I wasn’t content simply to keep my ship afloat; I was determined to run a tight ship just like the one navigated so expertly by the Proverbs 31 Superwoman. Even she had to contend with rugrats at some point in her life, right? And nothing sank her ship! She sailed blissfully along, her sparkling clean and perfectly equipped vessel cutting smoothly through the water, as she enjoyed the praises of her family and the favor of God. Now that same God was on my side.

 

Far too naïve and immature to realize I was scarcely more than a “spiritual rugrat” myself, I decided I needed to pray more in order to achieve my goals—or fast more, or memorize more Scripture, or get more involved in Bible studies and women’s ministries. Maybe I could learn something from talking to some of the “been-there, done-that” women at church, who now had their ships under control. Maybe they’d have some suggestions on how better to organize my time or plan my activities. Didn’t the Bible say something about the older, more experienced women teaching the younger ones?

 

I now had the perfect plan, and I set out to implement it. All I had to do was pin down those successful women whose lives and families were already shipshape, and then put into practice everything I learned from their examples….

 

 

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Special Considerations: None

 

Topics Addressed: “Discipleship with a grin”; growing in grace; five (hilarious) steps of spiritual maturity; becoming a Proverbs 31 woman (or not!)

 

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AUTHOR BIO

 

Kathi Macias is a multi-award winning writer who has authored nearly 30 books and ghostwritten scores of others. A former newspaper columnist and string reporter, Kathi has taught creative and business writing in various venues and has been a guest on many radio and television programs. Kathi is a popular speaker at churches, women’s clubs and retreats, and writers’ conferences, and recently won the prestigious 2008 member of the year award from AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association) at the annual Golden Scrolls award banquet. Kathi “Easy Writer” Macias lives in Homeland, CA, with her husband, Al, where the two of them spend their free time riding their Harley.

Visit Kathi's website at http://www.kathimacias.com

 

 

You can order this book directly from your local bookstore, or online from Kathi's website, or from New Hope Publishers or here   

 

Comments

[Term papers]

The make-up part was fun, since you usually go pretty much as is, so this was a relatively new experience for me.